Cracking Under Pressure

If you're anything like me you have high expectations of yourself, which can often lead to a ton of self-inflicted, all-consuming, self-destructive, crushing pressure. The bible says to work hard (Colossians 3:23), so I work myself to death. The bible also says not to place our worth in our accomplishments and that salvation is based on faith and not works (Ephesians 2:8-9)... It's almost like I take everything to an extreme, huh?

So how do we find that sweet spot in the middle? That's something I've been trying to answer for nearly 23 years, and it feels like I'm further from the answer than when I started. I think something I've begun to notice in this fight for peace is my goal. What am I actually trying to accomplish? Without realizing, I think my focus was on doing the right things and not serving God in obedience. These are very different in terms of heart posture. One is selfish and the other is selfless.

While I've finally come to this realization, I haven't quite figured out what to do about it. Not being overly critical of every action I take has proven to be a lot harder than it sounds. It seems that this obsession to do right has caused so much fear and anxiety over the possibility of doing wrong that oftentimes I don't act at all, which is usually worse. This ordeal brings me back to the parable of the talents, when the servant who was too afraid to lose his money buried it, making no gain and disappointing his master (Matthew 25:14-30). When the master heard that the third servant did not generate any new revenue with the money he was given, he responded "Take the money from this servant, and give it to the one with the ten bags of silver. To those who use well what they are given, even more will be given, and they will have an abundance. But from those who do nothing, even what little they have will be taken away..." (vs. 28-29) Here we can see the consequence of inaction. While it may feel like you're playing it safe, you're actually setting yourself up for an even greater failure.

I'll give you a more personal example. I've had plenty of opportunities to share the gospel, but out of fear of "saying the wrong thing", I find myself saying nothing. I know that it is not my responsibility to "save" anyone and that it is my job to be willing and obedient and God's job to save, so why do I let this fear paralyze me? A pep talk I've given myself a million times...

So no, I haven't yet climbed this hill to the top or come out the other side with flying colors. I have, however, been working on just reminding myself of what is true and what is a lie that Satan wants to use to silence me.

Truth: It is God's power that saves people, not my own. (Acts 4:12)

Lie: I'm not equipped enough to share the gospel in an effective way (Ephesians 2:10)

Truth: If I am obedient to what the Lord calls me to, He can use me for His glory. (Matthew 5:16)

Lie: I messed up God's plan. (Romans 8:28)

Truth: It is important to live and act in obedience to God and to die to self. (Matthew 16:24)

Lie: My mistakes determine my worth. (Romans 5:8)

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As of now, that is my battle strategy - truth. What I don't understand I will try to trust. I am working on making prayer a constant occurrence. I am training to make biblical truth my steady foundation. Most importantly I am striving to allow God to lead and teach myself to follow. Taking the pressure off sounds like a great idea, so I'm praying I'm able to figure it out as I follow His words. The need to control and always be right, the best, perfect and sure is a crushing weight you and I were not made to bear. I pray we let it fall from our tired and fragile shoulders and land at the feet of the Father who wants to carry it for us, and who is well-equipped to do so.