I Messed Up

I recently had an opportunity to share the gospel - and I didn’t. Instead of using that conversation as a chance to brag on God and all He has done for me, I used it as a chance to complain and highlight my exhaustion. The worst part is, I didn’t even realize this was a missed opportunity - until about 2 minutes after they were gone. I really beat myself up for that one.

So with a pit in my stomach and tears in my eyes from overflowing disappointment in myself, I got back in my car and drove to work and prayed and told God I was sorry and to please provide me another opportunity with this person.

Still insatiable, I googled “what does the bible say about missed opportunities to share the gospel” and what I found below both encouraged and convicted me. 1 Peter 3:15 says "Always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect.” I obviously was not prepared, but I’m glad I recognized the opportunity, even if it was too late. This blog, especially point number 2, gave me a lot of insight: https://blog.cph.org/read/everyday-faith/inspiration/opportunity-share-faith?hs_amp=true

Even after realizing my mistake, I reassured myself “Yes that was a good opportunity I missed, but my mistakes don’t thwart the Lord's plans. If God relied on my perfect performance to complete His will He wouldn’t be God. He desires to use me as a vessel, but He is God.”

While that is 100% true, it didn’t make me feel better. I felt worthless. I had a great chance and I blew it. I felt like I couldn’t do anything substantial for God except mess up.

So I kept digging. The next article I found related these missed opportunities to over-ripe or not-ripe peaches: “But you know what I do with those unripe and over-ripe peaches? I rake them up and add them to the compost pile. They decompose and then offer nourishment for next year’s garden.

So when you mess up and don’t do something God has given you to do, it’s not great, but it’s [not] the end of the world. You can put that unripe or rotten opportunity into your 'spiritual compost pile.' All that was bad about that experience will rot away, and what is left is God’s love and your desire to do what is right (which was there all along)…. You can take this 'spiritual compost' and apply it to the next task at hand. You can take the lessons learned and the humility gained forward with you” (https://thebiblespeakstoyou.com/080-how-to-redeem-missed-opportunities-from-god/)

I guess at this point I was starting to feel a little better and the guilt was beginning to fade? But the rock in my stomach still remained over this missed opportunity to share the most important thing in my life.

So I started searching for scripture under this same google thread and topic. 2 Peter 3:9 stuck out to me:

“The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.” (ESV)

He is patient with me. Thank you, Father.

---

So I am earnestly praying for another opportunity, believing He will provide one. But in the meantime, I have some maintenance that needs to be done.

Why was my first thought to share negativity instead of hope? Because that’s what my mind has been focused on the last several months, and What is in our minds will eventually flow out of our mouths (Proverbs 4:23).

So it is my mission, and I urge you to make it yours, to instead fill up on the good promises of God. That way the next time there is an opportunity, the gospel will flow out naturally

Dear Lord, thank you for being patient with me. I’m sorry that I allow my negative attitude to rule my life and my conversations. Flush me of anything that is not pleasing to you. Prepare me for the next opportunity and hold my heart close. In your wonderful name I pray, Amen.